A Remnant of My Soul
by LovinFace
Summary: Just a little snippet that takes place during Starsky's Lady. Starsky POV at Terry's funeral.


Disclaimer: I don't own them. I just borrow them sometimes.

A Remnant of My Soul

By LovinFace

Terry's funeral was today. People I don't even know told me they were sorry for my loss. Hutch sat beside me, his hand on my leg, giving me strength because I had none of my own. I couldn't seem to stop crying. Whoever said men don't cry obviously never lost someone like Terry.

My love.

Some of her students came. They each placed a rose on her casket. Terry loved roses. The petals were as soft as silk and the aroma was so sweet. She didn't mind the thorns. She told me that roses were the perfect symbol for life. Beautiful, but not without pain.

Terry was beautiful.

I had given her roses when I asked her to marry me. She took the roses, but turned down my proposal. I asked her why later and she told me it wasn't necessary. Love like ours is a forever love in our hearts. I know that's true, but right now my heart is broken.

God, I miss her so much.

She was here. She was a living, breathing, beautiful being, a remnant of my soul. She was mine. I was hers. She loved me completely. And now she's gone. The world continues to spin. The sun continues to rise and set effortlessly. Like breathing. In and out, we don't even think about it. But right now, that's about all I can do.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Begin again.

Somehow I stood and threw a handful of dirt on the coffin holding the love of my life. I say somehow — I know how. Hutch was holding my arm, keeping me from swaying and falling to my knees. I stood there on the edge, looking down at the rose covered coffin, watching as some of the dirt I'd thrown slipped off the lid and slid to the ground underneath.

I wanted to throw myself on the casket. Let them bury me too.

Hutch pulled me back to the chairs, away from the edge. I sat down slowly. He sat beside me. People were filing past me now. Some shook my hand. Told me they were sorry. Told me to be strong, that time heals all wounds. That's a lie. Some wounds never heal.

Someone told me to cherish the memories of the time we had. How the hell can I do that? We didn't have enough time. There is no comfort when I remember our time together, only pain. The thought of a tomorrow without Terry is unbearable. The future will always have a void.

Everyone had gone. Captain Dobey and Edith stayed behind, but Hutch told them they could leave. Huggy didn't want to leave, but Hutch finally convinced him to go fix something for us to eat. That's the way Huggy comforts people…he feeds them.

So then it was just me and Hutch, sitting in the chairs, looking at a hole in the ground. A hole that I knew held the body of my Terry. I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and realized the gravediggers – is that what you call them – were waiting on me to leave so that they could fill the hole.

I couldn't leave though. If they bury her, then she's really dead, and if she's really dead then I may as well be.

"C'mon Starsk. It's time to go."

I didn't want to go. I couldn't. I wouldn't.

Hutch stood and reached out to me. He put one hand on the back of my arm and his other hand took mine in his. He pulled me out of the chair.

I walked to the edge one more time. Then I fell to my knees, no longer crying but sobbing. I felt like my body was dissolving and I knew that my heart already had. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

Hutch.

He knelt down and pulled me into a long embrace. I buried my head in his neck and tried to find a remnant of my soul, anything to convince me that life was worth living now that Terry was gone. Hutch let me cry, rubbing my back, not saying anything. Just being there for me.

Hutch turned my face toward his. I saw the tears in his eyes and knew that he was crying not only for Terry, but for me as well.

I pulled myself together and pushed away from his embrace. I wiped the tears away from my face with the cuff of my shirt. Hutch stood then and pulled me up. Then he put his arm across my shoulders and led me toward the car.

"C'mon Buddy."

No empty platitudes. No words of hollow comfort. Just a silent message of love from Hutch, the best friend I've got in the whole world. A reason to face tomorrow. A remnant of my soul.


End file.
